Dont even really have to do this but thought id write a blog about it instead of making a giant post all over about it.

So last month my best friend left the country. A handful of people knew this was coming, i didnt advertise it. just wasnt anyones business. i did tell a few people so they would naturally know why i might be distant from conversation and civilization period. i needed to be able to focus on the kids and try to keep things normal here while keeping myself put together. it was so much harder then i had expected. i DID tell people i didnt want them coming over anymore then they already had been, i wanted things to stay as normal as they were. much to my surprise people dropped like flies. i am grateful for the few of you that have texted me and just asked how i was or even better, just messaged me out of the blue with a random question, thought or anything. shit… i needed something. there was only one person that checked in with me almost ever day. wont call her out but she knows who she is, i appreciate that chick! i know that life gets busy, we all have shit to do. but im thinking, if i knew a friend of mine was going to be struggling mentally, if i sat there and saw the bond that her and her best friend, love of her life, father of her children, had… i would know what kind of impact that would have on someone and just check in with them sometimes. i didnt want people to hover, i didnt want to be the center of attention but a single text once a week or something.. yall gotta do better when you “friends” are going through something LOL.. but people are all different. and some people have failed me.  the day he left was march 17th, i missed a friends wedding that day, i was a wreck and even more the kids were just … they needed me, we needed each other. girl.. you know who you are, i am sorry for that but there is no way i couldve went and had fun without him. ❤

that day, the day he left, started a 10 day long battle. i was so depressed and hiding. i didnt get crap done around my house, i was moody. i would cry at the drop of the dime.. it was getting so rough for me. every day i woke up though, and every day i said to myself, “today is going to be better. i am going to be better. i am going to get ahold of myself” EVERYDAY i gave myself this pep talk. if you saw me during these ten days, you may not even have known what kind of battle i was fighting with my own head.. BUT everyday i tried, woke up with the pep talk and just kept trying. FINALLY on march 28th, it was such a pretty day outside.. i went out with the little and we played in the dirt, i did some yard work.. pulled some weeds. i think that was the day i started digging up stumps. not even sure anymore which day was which. THAT day.. all those pep talks finally had moved something in this brain.  I didnt even realize that i was having such a better day. NO FAKE posts on facebook about how good my day was, NO faking a smile when i was talking to my love… it FINALLY happened.

So… to my point.. NO im not ready to hang out with you. NO im not ready to meet up so our kids can play AND NO NO NO im not ready to come to any parties. sorry loves, this is a process and im taking it slow. i have to get MYSELF back on track … like for real track, to where i dont have to celebrate not being in dumpy mood. i gotta get more positive days in a row.. this has to be my normal again..

i love all yall and you guys know it. but just like you, i am putting me and my lil family first right now bc thats priority. i WILL get back to normal. i WILL be social again. but right now, i just need all the positivity and support in my life and i dont need anything else.

i am finally feeling like myself again. i miss my love so much but it’s not crippling me anymore. its getting better and im getting out of my own head. the boys and i talk about things together and that has seriously helped too. communication is the key… with every and any kind of relationship.

so if you are in a rut… feeling down too many days in a row… just keep telling yourself “it will get better. today will be good. today will be easier” and just keep trying. dude if you keep trying whats the worst that can happen? you stay in your rut… whoa.. if you keep trying you at least have a possibility of making things better because you are trying to move forward instead of sitting there simmering in all your sadness… dont do that LOL that is NOT cool! (see what i did there)

anyway… love you guys.. thanks for the support or the lack there of..  either way, we cool. just remember, i dont forget. but like i said… IT’S OKAY.. im good 🙂

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grow up! not really… but yeah

I started to make a status update on facebook, quickly realized that this was going somewhere… somewhere i needed a lot more room to type… just another obnoxious rant from MISS SUNSHINE 🙂      
      In the mornings on the way to school especially, i like to be cheerful and talk about positive things, be super corny and make the kids laugh. i love that they have a great start to a day. i know they have to go to school and deal with some crappy situations sometimes and i like to know that they’ve at least been given a good start. i think it really makes the day.
     This morning was NOT one of those days. i spent the morning preaching. the entire way to the school was like a seminar on grades, school and life. i feel horrible about the way i started this morning. it’s totally not normal for us to talk such serious stuff first thing in the morning. BUT Aidan is nearing his high school years, learning to study for real is going to be the best tool i can give him. ive always been amazing at studying. poor Landon  just doesnt come naturally to certain things like aidan did. they both have areas they have got to start working harder in. their grades are NOT what they should and could be. I told aidan this morning, “you are a YOUNG ADULT now, that means you have more responsibility! that doesnt just mean with chores and home stuff. that means when you see yourself struggle you are responsible to recognize the area and you need to work in that. if you see something is out of place you are supposed to fix it or find someone to. being a young adult is just that, welcome to adulting buddy. this is your trial period!”
     Part of me starts to go all typical mom, “it’s my fault. i shouldve done more” but you know what.. no.. just no. im not going to do that. parents these days are taking too much blame for their kids actions. im not saying to totally let them go and say they are going to know everything but my kids know. you know if you are struggling in something you need to fix it. if you come home with a 50 on your study guide, you know your ass needs to be sitting in your room with that book going through and finding all the right answers to the wrong ones you had on that paper. i know that you know this bc when this specific child was in a lower grade and he would come home with his thursday folders with X all over the place he sat down and fixed his mistakes. that freak knows what to do. at 13 years old, you just know certain things! at 8 years old you know that you suck at spelling, you have that list in your backpack and when you get home we always do homework! put that damn list up on your wall next to all your drawings and pokemon stuff and look at that mess when you get out of the bed, when you go to bed, when you go to the bathroom, like… come on really? 
      now i dont want people getting their panties in a knot saying that im just throwing my kids out to the fish bc thats not it. i randomly ask how to spell a word, or ask what a word says when we are driving, much like my grandfather did for me. i help, tonight will be a little more forced and a little bit more direct since they cant seem to get ahold of themselves. dont think that im just a parent that sends my kids to school and expects the teacher to raise my kids bc thats the furthest from the truth. what i am though is a mother that would like my kids to be held accountable for something. trust that they can make decisions on their own and know that if it’s the wrong one you will find out the hard way. i want to know that when my kids see that they are doing poorly in something it’s bc of their effort level. i dont want him to blame his bad grades on Tommy over there running his mouth while everyone is trying to work. no… learn to block that out, learn to focus and work a little harder. so.. you got an extra assignment bc some jackass was in class being a clown and everyone laughed? well suck it up buttercup and do the damn assignment… and while your at it, how bout blow the teacher out the water and make an A on it.
     what is wrong with the kids these days… there are so many things. parents trying to wrap them in bubble wrap to go out into the world. sugar coating, over protecting, shielding them, making so many excuses for them. teach them accountability, teach them respect, for gods sake common sense… children these days do not have common sense!! i am guilty, one of mine lacks a great deal of common sense but it’s coming to him, slowly but surely that freak will learn it. time management.. morals, the list goes on and on with “whats wrong with kids these days” a lot of it boils down to parents. yup you read that right. parents need to take time with their kids, put in a little more effort and work a little bit harder. you have to teach these kids things that we just knew growing up. stuff that came naturally to us does not to these kids, because like it or not times have changed. so while i sit here and preached to my kids all morning about stepping up their game… i am throwing myself in that boat. i need to step it up too. i need to worry less about how my house looks and worry more, just a little bit more about what the crap my kids are doing wrong and make sure i nudge them over just a little bit when their focus gets off track.
     i guess the point of me turning this into a blog instead of a little post was to tell and show other moms that we are all crazy, imperfect and overly stressed. all of us, even the kids. BUT do not stop giving them responsibilities. everyone has them, we all need them to keep us straight. also if you are going to preach to your kids about stepping up their game, you need to sit back and think, “do i need to step up my game too?” lead by example right. they are slacking in school we get onto them and make them work harder, expect them to work harder. well here i am slacking on my laundry room, maybe since i wanna preach about stepping it up, i should be in there working on that instead of blogging 🙂 just an example right?! lol so.. i think… maybe you get my point. we all need to work harder or one thing or another… my kids… yeah they better get their grades up before i freak the crap out… anyone wanna carpool to summer school??? just kidding, i dont do carpools 🙂
    this road isnt an easy one for either sides. being a parent is tough, being a kid is tough (go ahead and laugh, you remember how it was) LIFE is tough. so… GROW the crap up… and… have a great THURSDAY!!

struggle rant..

Warning!! This is going to be ranting, rambling and preaching… thats your only warning.

im doing this blog just bc i feel like people need to be reminded.

we need to be reminded that we all fuck up. we all do things in life that we arent proud of. we all struggle at some time or another. like a stone flowing down a river, every current we go through, every little knick that we get, it all etches us into this piece that we are left to live with. unlike the rock, we can build ourselves back up after we hit rock bottom. get it? ha.. yeah ..

if you have never struggled in your life… good for you. super awesome that you could go through life and never hurt, never break… so happy for you. but most people cant say that.

people break. like glass sometimes we shatter into a million freaking pieces and we have no clue how we are going to get back to our whole.

most of you dont know me personally. you havent seen my story flow before you .. some have. those that have really seen what ive been through, i appreciate you being in my corner. those of you that dont know.. let me just give you a little piece of me,

I have been through some crap. As a child i went through shit like no kid should have to, mom if youre reading this, sorry, but it’s true. some of the things i went through and saw as a child were just horrible. BUT i grew from that. those things made me the best mom i could be today. i dont hate my mother for the things we went through when i was a kid. like i said before, i dont understand how things could have happened the way they did but i do NOT HATE her for these things. why you ask? because everyone makes mistakes, everyone goes through shit at some time or another. it happens. the only thing you can do is learn from it and move on with life. try to better yourself and keep going forward.

as a young adult, i had my first, with a not so great person. (if youre reading this, sorry)  our relationship was toxic in so many ways. he did a nice number on my self esteem, confidence and mental state over all. there was verbal and physical violence. i stayed in that situation longer then i care to admit. at the first sign i should have left but i didnt. not until i was kicked, and looked up to see my very young son standing there watching his father. that was my breaking point for that one.  still cant HATE him because you know what… i got my oldest son, my first blessing. i learned so much about myself in that crazy fucked up relationship. i really learned what it meant and felt like to have real love, from my son.  towards the end of that relationship i had gotten a job…. where i met the next stepping stone in my life…

this one is good.. (again.. sorry if youre reading this) i had a crush on this guy in high school, ladies, you know what it’s like.. seriously like a dream or some corny shit out of a movie.. life was great.. then life was off and on… life was finding out i was cheated on.. life was being left in the dark about what was going on.. life came back and life left again.. my heart was broken… then pieced back together.. and broken again.. by this stone, we will call him stone 2.. so here i am again, at the end i DO NOT HATE stone 2 because i learned so much.. i had to build my value back up, felt like i was unworthy of love bc of what i went through with stone 2. there were so many details in between but… through stone 2 i met stone 3..

during the beginning of my stepping stone 3 i went through so much change. it literally felt surreal, like nothing was real.. it was one of those foggy dreams that you can see but you cant really see… that was my life going through my eyes. i went through so  much more then anyone knows during that time.

i didnt feel like i had anyone to lean on and to really turn to. nobody that would understand. nobody that would just listen without judgement. people were scary. i finally let go of the past, well what i could anyway at the time. opened up to stone 3 and really let my guard down. we went through some major stuff together but we kept pushing and i kept trying. i never gave up. i am still standing bc of stone 3 and he is the love of my life, my best friend.

moral of all this is, each stone… each time someone came into my life, i learned something from them. they broke me down but i built myself back up because thats what i had to do. there is no giving up in life. we have moments when we want to totally through in the towel but we keep pushing. and i do NOT HATE any of them…

if you see someone struggling with life, say something nice to them. make them smile. you have no clue what demons they are fighting in their heads. you have no clue … you just dont have a freaking clue. just walk up to them, when you see that struggling look in their face and hug them. tell them a story of your struggles, listen to them vent… just talk. stop judging people when you see them struggle. sometimes we get scared, sometimes we dont want to admit to people that we are terrified and dont know how to process what is going through our heads. when you go through something life changing, something horrible, you dont feel right. you really arent you and sometimes you can act crazy ways. sometimes you say things that really freaking hurt to people that you love. i know i have done that and people have done that to me. but if you dont try to move past that then you will never be happy. i wouldnt have anything i have if it werent for forgiveness.

stop judging people and try to relate to them. you never know. something  you went through might turn out to be helpful information to them. we are all struggling in one way or another. lend a helping hand instead of holding their head under the water. life would just be so much better if everyone tried to get along.

i know sometimes it seems like people take advantage of it. time and time again they keep doing the same fuck ups. you keep trying to help and they keep screwing up the same ways… so frustrating i know!!! holy shit i know!! sometimes  you have to take a break from them, thats fine. or if you cant handle it just walk away, just leave it. dont sit there and bash them, if your going to give them your energy and time of day why  not make it be the positive kind, at least at the end of the day you can say you tried and you can rest your head at night knowing that youve tried to do good instead of going to bed at nite irritated or pissed off bc they just dont cooperate with you. maybe sit and talk with them and find out why it is that they wont go out and try. maybe people scare them at the time and they just arent ready. if you push someone who is on the edge of the side walk, someone who isnt ready… they will fall flat on their face. you cant push unless someone is ready, otherwise they will NOT succeed and they will not trust that you will be there for them. if you sit there and listen, find out what it is… help them get over it, they will know they can turn to you, they wont search for comfort somewhere else. they will know they can come to you… that is what you want isnt it?  everyone needs a safe place to go to.. why dont you be that safe place for them instead of throwing stones! people need strength and safety.

-Amberlee

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi,

My stressed out 7 yr old

Last year my middle son was having chest pains. At first i was thinking maybe it was indigestion so i didnt rush to get him into the doctor. i just adjusted the acid intake, food/drinks. well it didnt get any better so i took him to his doctor, we found out it was stress related. my middle son, at the time was 6 years old, in the first grade was stressed out and has some sort of anxiety problem. I had to change how i did things with him to reduce his stress levels. mostly around test time and the pressure i was putting on him to not fail the 1st grade. mommy had to chill.

since then i have adjusted the way he gets fussed at, how we study, the pressures of life, everything had to change a little when it came to him. i try to help him talk about things when there is something wrong so that the stress doesnt build up. stuff like that. well as i sat there thinking of all the “fits” he used to have… i thought maybe they weren’t fits at all, maybe they were stress related melt downs. maybe thats why the time out thing worked so well bc it gave him time to calm down and then we’d talk. since starting school he would have fits at certain times and i look back now and realize that he was stressed out, thats why. he didnt know how to deal with it and he didnt really understand what was going on. He’s never went all out for spirit week at school, which is the reason for this blog. they have different days where you can dress up, etc.

today was the first time he really dressed up. not just a red day… it was CAREER DAY!  I asked him last night, like i had the night before and the one before that, ” are you going to dress out tomorrow?” this time instead of saying no right away he said “what would i wear” i jumped up that second and found something. i hemmed the pants, cut the mens dress shirt up, added some names and put a sign on the back of the mens shirt which became a lab coat! he overcame something today and he wore it like a pro!!

to some people it’s “just a dress up day” but to me it’s so much more. there was a pajama day and the day before that i had asked if he was going to participate, we were on the way to school… he had a meltdown. i had to pull over and let him collect himself and i told him he didnt have to. other kids would be in their pjs’ but he didnt have to, and we still had a whole entire day to think about it. i was nervous about asking about career day. he wouldnt wear pjs bc he was afraid that someone would laugh, worried that he would be the only one… stressed out and worried… at 7years old! it’s hard enough to deal with stress and anxiety as an adult. i cant even imagine how it would be if i were 7 and dealing with it…

talk with your kids. make sure they know that they can come to you and try to teach them the different types of stress they can have and teach them that it’s normal. if they are struggling with processing it, teach them how to deal while they are young. teaching landon how to deal with his has really taught me a lot about myself. it’s been a mother/son learning experience and i am very happy to say that whatever we are doing is working. he is trying harder in school, his confidence is higher and i feel like he enjoys life a little more and is obviously willing to take some sort of risk on occasion.

i am one proud mama!

Cool Lego Creations

So… i just saw this article for “23 Incredibly Practical Uses For Legos” on the site BrainJet, I was looking at them and was going to post it to my 10yr old’s Facebook page when at the end, you click Next and a box with “things that are trending” pops up, NOOOOO way! i do not want him seeing that crap. so, BrainJet.com I am going to borrow a few of the pictures from your article, along with some from other places on the internet, so i can share them with my son without exposing him to something that could be inappropriate. 🙂 Soo… Bubba… here ya go.. thought these were cool and i could see you making some of this stuff for sure! my boogie ❤  click on the first photo and you can view them all larger.

None of these are anything that I created nor did my boys. these are found online. i just borrowed them! 🙂

CONTROL

healthy_portions

I am a mother. When it comes to dinner time i like to pile up food onto the boys plates. i feel like if they have a lot of food they will be happy. i guess i still think like the woman did way back. if you had a fat man you had a happy, well fed man. it kinda reflects back on me, almost like his weight would brag that i can COOK!! i cant even begin to tell yall how wrong that is. we are not doing enough exercising around here for all that food. so to start on solving that problem i have started using the smaller plates that i have in my set. instead of filling up the bigger plates, im using the small ones so it really fools us all into thinking we have more then we really do. i also try to prepare steamed veggies pretty regular. Those steamer packs you get out of the frozen aisle at the store are great! getting the snack size ziploc bags and making celery, carrots, whatever veggie is your thing, or fruit, make that stuff ahead of time and when you get the snack urge, just go grab a bag out of the fridge. healthy eating isnt convenient, and i think thats why some people struggle so much with it. i know having so many people to keep up with here thats a major thing for me. i need to just grab something and go. i dont have time to wash and cut everytime i want a snack, by then im distracted and dont remember why i was doing it in the first place.

Let me just add in here, like i said, i am a mother. a mother of 3 boys and one grown man. my boys are 3months old, 5, and 10. they will and are going through different stages all at the same time, i have one thats still on a bottle, the 5yr old isnt a big fan of dinner, or so it seems, he’d rather eat all day long. my oldest, well he never stops eating and still isnt as big as a power pole! he has gained some weight since football season has been out so we are going to be working on that. then there is my grown man….(i love you.. just saying if you read this.. i really do).. this is the one i have the most trouble with when it comes to this “change”. he goes to work, that is a major PROBLEM for me!! i cant control or see what he is putting into his body. i CAN see that there were strawberries and grapes put into his lunchbox for snacks today, but i cant see him stop at the gas station to buy a bag of bugles or a king size pack of reese cups. i cant control him throughout the day. he leaves here early as mess in the mornings and some nights doesnt get home til 7 at night. THEN after taking care of everyone else, theres me…. so now that you know just a lil about what im dealing with.. back to my blog.

So i LOVE to feed my boys. i love to make them happy and i try to make sure they are. being pregnant this last go round was rough. i tried to stay healthy, i really did, but it wasnt as good as it shouldve been. i didnt eat a lot of food, quanity wise, i just ate too many and drank too many calories. the last time i dieted i counted calories. at first that was hard but i got used to it and it wasnt even something i had to really think about anymore. So i am going to try that again this time. CALORIE CONTROL and PORTION CONTROL. that is where i am starting. WATER WATER WATER, PROTEIN AND FIBER.. those are some things that i need to get control of.

I am going to start walking again. a friend of mine is doing better for herself now too, she’s really trying to gain control of her health and life so we talk about our days via text/facebook. its really helpful if you dont go into something like this alone. reach out to anyone that has the same interest in mind. you dont have to know them personally, it could be someone in a mommy group that you follow … or anyone, just pick someone. i feel like the more people that know about what im going through, the struggles im having and the things im overcoming, the better. it holds a sense of accountability and really motivates me.

its really important to get your water taken in. i do KNOW that. when it comes to getting healthy, there is so much CONTROL that YOU need to have. YOU are responsible for what goes in your body. what you will and will not allow to be done. take 20 minutes out of your day and go for a walk, it’s not much but it’s a start and that 20 mins walking is better then 20 mins on the couch. what else are you going to do with it? getting outside once a day can change more then just your weight. your attitude will change too!!
CONTROL your PORTIONS.
CONTROL your SUGAR.
CONTROL your CALORIES.
TAKE back your body, energy and health!!
i know im sure as hell going to!

ps.. i am NOT any kind of professional. i blog and preach about things i have read in articles, or my own experience. everyone is different, things dont always work for everyone else like they do for me. i just know that any change is better then zero change.

Low Calorie Links

eating smarter is so difficult!! i have a family so it’s really hard to find whole meals that i can whip up for all of us that are low in calories that everyone is still going to want to eat. so i was browsing the internet this morning and found a few links that i thought i would share with yall. some of these have meals that my boys would LOVE to eat and some have simple and quick recipes that i can cook for myself after i cook for them. had to share..

300 Calorie Dinners 

Low Calorie Recipes 

Hungry-Girl

18 Easy Low Calorie Dinners

Quick Low Calorie Dinners

Dont forget to drink your WATER!!

Feel free to post any links to any other pages that you find interesting in the comments or send them to me. we all need to be here to  encourage healthy eating and healthy living!!