Warning!! This is going to be ranting, rambling and preaching… thats your only warning.
im doing this blog just bc i feel like people need to be reminded.
we need to be reminded that we all fuck up. we all do things in life that we arent proud of. we all struggle at some time or another. like a stone flowing down a river, every current we go through, every little knick that we get, it all etches us into this piece that we are left to live with. unlike the rock, we can build ourselves back up after we hit rock bottom. get it? ha.. yeah ..
if you have never struggled in your life… good for you. super awesome that you could go through life and never hurt, never break… so happy for you. but most people cant say that.
people break. like glass sometimes we shatter into a million freaking pieces and we have no clue how we are going to get back to our whole.
most of you dont know me personally. you havent seen my story flow before you .. some have. those that have really seen what ive been through, i appreciate you being in my corner. those of you that dont know.. let me just give you a little piece of me,
I have been through some crap. As a child i went through shit like no kid should have to, mom if youre reading this, sorry, but it’s true. some of the things i went through and saw as a child were just horrible. BUT i grew from that. those things made me the best mom i could be today. i dont hate my mother for the things we went through when i was a kid. like i said before, i dont understand how things could have happened the way they did but i do NOT HATE her for these things. why you ask? because everyone makes mistakes, everyone goes through shit at some time or another. it happens. the only thing you can do is learn from it and move on with life. try to better yourself and keep going forward.
as a young adult, i had my first, with a not so great person. (if youre reading this, sorry) our relationship was toxic in so many ways. he did a nice number on my self esteem, confidence and mental state over all. there was verbal and physical violence. i stayed in that situation longer then i care to admit. at the first sign i should have left but i didnt. not until i was kicked, and looked up to see my very young son standing there watching his father. that was my breaking point for that one. still cant HATE him because you know what… i got my oldest son, my first blessing. i learned so much about myself in that crazy fucked up relationship. i really learned what it meant and felt like to have real love, from my son. towards the end of that relationship i had gotten a job…. where i met the next stepping stone in my life…
this one is good.. (again.. sorry if youre reading this) i had a crush on this guy in high school, ladies, you know what it’s like.. seriously like a dream or some corny shit out of a movie.. life was great.. then life was off and on… life was finding out i was cheated on.. life was being left in the dark about what was going on.. life came back and life left again.. my heart was broken… then pieced back together.. and broken again.. by this stone, we will call him stone 2.. so here i am again, at the end i DO NOT HATE stone 2 because i learned so much.. i had to build my value back up, felt like i was unworthy of love bc of what i went through with stone 2. there were so many details in between but… through stone 2 i met stone 3..
during the beginning of my stepping stone 3 i went through so much change. it literally felt surreal, like nothing was real.. it was one of those foggy dreams that you can see but you cant really see… that was my life going through my eyes. i went through so much more then anyone knows during that time.
i didnt feel like i had anyone to lean on and to really turn to. nobody that would understand. nobody that would just listen without judgement. people were scary. i finally let go of the past, well what i could anyway at the time. opened up to stone 3 and really let my guard down. we went through some major stuff together but we kept pushing and i kept trying. i never gave up. i am still standing bc of stone 3 and he is the love of my life, my best friend.
moral of all this is, each stone… each time someone came into my life, i learned something from them. they broke me down but i built myself back up because thats what i had to do. there is no giving up in life. we have moments when we want to totally through in the towel but we keep pushing. and i do NOT HATE any of them…
if you see someone struggling with life, say something nice to them. make them smile. you have no clue what demons they are fighting in their heads. you have no clue … you just dont have a freaking clue. just walk up to them, when you see that struggling look in their face and hug them. tell them a story of your struggles, listen to them vent… just talk. stop judging people when you see them struggle. sometimes we get scared, sometimes we dont want to admit to people that we are terrified and dont know how to process what is going through our heads. when you go through something life changing, something horrible, you dont feel right. you really arent you and sometimes you can act crazy ways. sometimes you say things that really freaking hurt to people that you love. i know i have done that and people have done that to me. but if you dont try to move past that then you will never be happy. i wouldnt have anything i have if it werent for forgiveness.
stop judging people and try to relate to them. you never know. something you went through might turn out to be helpful information to them. we are all struggling in one way or another. lend a helping hand instead of holding their head under the water. life would just be so much better if everyone tried to get along.
i know sometimes it seems like people take advantage of it. time and time again they keep doing the same fuck ups. you keep trying to help and they keep screwing up the same ways… so frustrating i know!!! holy shit i know!! sometimes you have to take a break from them, thats fine. or if you cant handle it just walk away, just leave it. dont sit there and bash them, if your going to give them your energy and time of day why not make it be the positive kind, at least at the end of the day you can say you tried and you can rest your head at night knowing that youve tried to do good instead of going to bed at nite irritated or pissed off bc they just dont cooperate with you. maybe sit and talk with them and find out why it is that they wont go out and try. maybe people scare them at the time and they just arent ready. if you push someone who is on the edge of the side walk, someone who isnt ready… they will fall flat on their face. you cant push unless someone is ready, otherwise they will NOT succeed and they will not trust that you will be there for them. if you sit there and listen, find out what it is… help them get over it, they will know they can turn to you, they wont search for comfort somewhere else. they will know they can come to you… that is what you want isnt it? everyone needs a safe place to go to.. why dont you be that safe place for them instead of throwing stones! people need strength and safety.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi,