Last week when C dropped the kids off from having them all weekend, they were excited about the time they had spent with him. L and C went to the flea market and had gone out to eat. C had sent me a pic of L eating his burger that day. It made my heart happy to see them spending time together like they were.
I was so excited for them but Monday when he dropped them off, so much reality set in. We had lunch at my little table and chatted. C told me about how he wanted to take the boys the following weekend to a local event. I thought it was a great idea. When he left, so much hit me all at once and I just broke down crying. I was heartbroken that they were going to be doing family things and I wouldn’t be included anymore. I don’t have a job so I can’t afford to do anything with them right now. I try to make the most of what I have access to but it just wasn’t going to compare to what he can provide for them. The things that he can do for them are so much greater than what I can do for them. The way he can provide is not the same as how I can. I’m the one doing the hard stuff like schoolwork and the day-to-day stuff, while he’s getting to be the fun dad. It has been a long week of being in my head about all of these things.
Well, I told C how I was feeling a few days ago. Everything that I said in the previous paragraph, I said to him. Communication is something that I find important. So I did just that, I communicated with him. He later invited me to go with them on the outing. I know that it wont be something that I will be able to do every time but we are so new to this and it’s just so hard right now, I was really happy that he invited me. Since he invited me, like I said, it’s been a long week of being in my head. I knew that going could be a good thing, but I also knew that it could be a “bad” thing.
We are in this weird phase where we are trying to figure this co-parenting out. I have said since day one that I don’t want this to be a bad thing. I want it to be a healthy process and I want us to have a healthy co-parenting relationship. So, I decided to go. I knew it would be a little difficult for me mentally, but I didn’t want to turn down the invite and then regret it. I felt like I would rather heal if it upset me rather than not go and end up with regret. Regret is so hard to process. One of the worst emotions for me to process anyway. I knew that it would be a good thing for the kids. L ended up not going because he was sore from the trampoline park the night before, it ended up being just C, O and I going.
We had a good time. We got new chairs; I got nachos and ice cream… we watched the reenactment … it was a good time. But the moment that really hit me in my heart… was when O grabbed my hand and was holding it, I looked over to see him holding his dad’s hand too. I took my phone out to snap a pic and the smile on his face was …. Everything to me. I knew right then that I was going to need to write about it.
Just because you split up, doesn’t mean it has to get weird. Not enough people try to be friends with their kid’s other parent. Just because you are not in a relationship anymore, doesn’t mean you don’t have a relationship. You are still partners in parenting and that relationship can make or break the whole situation. We are fresh into this whole thing and maybe I am being naïve … but I am going to do everything I can to maintain a healthy relationship with the father of my children because that relationship is still very important to me. We need to be good so that we can be good for our kids whether we are together or not.
So today, I figured was going to be a super challenge and in some ways it was. It was a learning experience but the best part about it is that I am not going through this alone. C is learning too and in a lot of ways, so are our children. We are all learning together and no matter what struggle I had today, or any aftermath I have to deal with mentally… it was all worth it once I saw the look on O’s face as he held both our hands… I know this made his heart happy and that’s my goal these days. I just want my boys happy.
So if you are co-parenting, do it in a healthy way. It will change your kids in good ways. Try not to disagree around them and make sure they know that you both care for them and that is what is important. Don’t be jerks to one another… have respect for each other and understand that you are supposed to be on the same page. Do things together with your kids. Let them see that there is peace between the two of you.
I pray everyday about this situation. I pray that it never ends up ugly or complicated. It’s so important to me for the kids to have healthy examples of what relationships look like. Today was a challenge in some ways… but in others… it was everything. Put your emotions aside and do whats right for your kids. You will not regret it. Co-parenting doesn’t have to be ugly or complicated.
❤
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