Changing Churches

When we decided to move from our church home, I guess almost two years ago (I’m not great at time keeping so who knows), I was terrified. The one thing that kept me where we were was the “friendships” that I had gained when I joined. But the fact was that our spiritual needs weren’t being fed to the levels that they needed to be fed on. I was growing rapidly in my faith, and I felt that God was taking me somewhere and He is the one who laid the move on my heart.

I joined the church at the same time that I enrolled into a Christian college to pursue my bachelor’s degree. At the time I was just coming around to my faith in Christ and I really needed all the support I could get. I had no idea that I would fall so deeply in love with the Word or that my relationship with the Lord would take off like it did/has. The members were so welcoming, especially the ones that were in the Bible study group that I joined. At first, I didn’t attend regular service or even Sunday school. I would just go to the “after church” studies and get togethers. I created bonds with the people and families in that group and that’s where I found the courage to go into Sunday morning service. Eventually I graduated to going to Sunday school and later, right before I finally took the plunge to move, I started attending Wednesday service.

When I was moved to start attending more services, I realized that my hunger for the Word exceeded what was being supplied at this location. I struggled for months, maybe even a year, with the decision to move and where to go. I had seen and heard what happened when other members of the church moved or left, for whatever reason. I just thought “surely this won’t happen to me because I am going for a good reason, not leaving out of spite or anything negative.” “These people wouldn’t ‘abandon’ me and my family, we grew close, and they were a huge part of why I was where I was.” I was mistaken and I realized that, once I noticed the lack of support through social media and through the lack of personal messages.

I don’t make my social media posts for those “friends” to comment on. Like… it’s not the reason I put stuff out there. But you would think that the support would still be there. Watching all the growth that I have had, especially when they had a front row seat at the transformation. You would think that the “likes” would be there. Or that the encouraging comments would show up from them. But they do not. It’s something that has weighed on my heart since I first realized it and I thought that I should just keep it to myself because, why complain about it. It probably wouldn’t do any “good” and it won’t make people change their behavioral patterns. At the same time, if I post or complain about it and then start getting the support that I once craved, it would be for all the wrong reasons, and I do not want that kind of support.

But then I woke up this morning and the Lord put it on my heart, “Speak up!” not just because it’s on my heart but “because someone else may be going through the same thing and/or they might be thinking of changing churches too and are scared because of the same outcome being possible.” So, let’s talk about the reasons why we might need to move church homes. Let’s talk about the lack of support that you might get from your current church family, after a move. Let’s talk about the friendships that you may lose. Let’s talk about the hurt that comes with that and how God would want you to move and deal with it and those people. I feel like the more we talk about our pain, the more chances you have for others to relate, and the more likely you are to heal the wounds that are created by such things.

Why?

There are several reasons why you would move from your church home. One of them being that your spiritual needs are not being met anymore. You will know this; you’ll feel the difference. Your adrenaline levels will be different, the conversations will be different, that wholesome feeling inside will be different. Pay attention to the needs that are and are not being met inside of your heart.

I had a conversation with a friend recently and this was the topic. She said she feels like it might be time for her to leave her church and she is considering it because when her and her family leave church, typically they are hyped about the sermon, and they carry on conversations that are directly related to and about the service. She noticed a shift and how the conversations just weren’t the same and she feels like that may be a sign. I agreed that this may be a sure sign that her spiritual needs aren’t being fully fed.

It’s perfectly okay to admit that you aren’t being fed to your capacity. This is a normal thing. Let’s use me as an example here: I have food allergies, I cannot have anything with wheat in it, I cannot eat red meat and I cannot have gelatin that is made from beef.  Those are my three main restrictions. So, if I go with my family to a restaurant, we get our menu and they have nothing on there that is safe for me to eat, I am not going to eat. It’s the same thing. What’s being put on the menu isn’t meeting your nutritional needs so why would you eat there? We wouldn’t. We would get up and go to a different location.

Friends

I think the wonder about this specific reason was answered in my testimony above, but we will ask it anyway. Will you lose friends when you move churches? YES, you will. You may not lose them all, but you will lose some and that’s just how it is sometimes. Does it hurt? Yes, it absolutely does hurt. You grow bonds with these people and sometimes very deep bonds. It’s a loss and loss hurts. Losing friends is not always such a bad thing. We’ve all lost a friend at least once and or discover that people who we thought were our friends really were not. These friendships may not ever have been friendships in the first place. More likely than not they are the network inside of the church so when you move to another church, you are outside of their network. Honestly if that is the case then losing something so shallow isn’t really much of a loss, although it feels that way.

            Leaving a church home doesn’t always mean you will lose everyone. Some of the people that attended the church, and possibly still do, may connect with you more since your departure. I know this for a fact because some of the members that were not in the study group that I grew so closely with, have been my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. Those are the ones that I feel most support from. It’s so wild how that happens. You would think the ones you were the closest to would be your supporters but in fact, for me, they were and are not. They were the ones that were friends outside of the group. Even members that were not really close to me are the ones that run up to you when they spot you out in public. At the graduation that I attended last week, a church member from my previous church, came over to me with the biggest smile on his face saying, “I know you!” in a playful way. We caught up briefly and it was such a good experience. He asked why we moved, and I was honest with him, and he was so accepting and supportive of my choice. His response and the support from others who are still in the congregation at that church, have helped to lessen the blow of the hurt from the ones that I kept closest.

Family

When you start thinking about moving from your church home, a main contributing factor is your family. It’s not just about your own personal spiritual needs that you need to take into consideration, it’s about your family as a whole not as individuals.

If you have children, are their needs being met? Children are our future, and they NEED to be invested in! I won’t go down this rabbit hole, but we all see the chaos that this world is bringing upon us. Our children need the Lord and growth in their faith NOW more than ever!! This world is going to chew them up and spit them out if we do not get it together and arm them now before they really get out there in it.

 Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) tells us, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

That’s just one verse clearly telling us that we are to be training our children for this journey. Train them to live for God, not for you, not for themselves, but for the Glory of God. So, if they are not being fully fed, that is a problem. They are the ones we should be investing in.

We need programs designed for children, teens, young adults, and marriages. There should be unity within the church and in my opinion, this is the best way. Not everyone in your family is on the same spiritual level nor will they all be learning on the same level. Making sure your family is being fed is a big deal and should be treated as such.

Moving on

What does the Bible say about moving churches? Is it acceptable? Now, I have not done a whole lot of digging into this specific question but what I do know is that the Lord wants us to go where we are fed. We need nourishment so that we can better serve Him! If we aren’t equipped with the tools, how are we able to help build his Kingdom. As a Christian it is our duty to spread the Word of God and to do that we must be prepared. Proverbs 11:14 tells us “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Go where you are being fed and equipped. Go where you can be trained to the level in which God himself is taking you to.

So how is it that God would want us to respond when it comes to the lack of support from those within the church? I am still picking this one apart but let’s see where this takes us. The first thing that comes to mind is the phrase that gets me through so many situations. Respond with grace, kindness and understanding.

            Let’s take a look at Luke 4:16-24. When Jesus returned to his hometown and read scripture from the scroll of the prophet Isaiah. In verse 20-21 he rolls the scripture up and gives it back to the attendant and sits down. With everyone looking at him he then said, “today the scripture is fulfilled in your hearing” (Luke 14:21). He admitted to being the Messiah and was rejected for it by his own people! Jesus himself said it in Luke 4:24, “Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in his hometown.”  So, if Jesus doesn’t get the support he needed from his own people, why should we expect anything different?

            The hurt that comes along with relocating to your new church home is normal. Change sometimes hurts and this is no different. It comes with all of the same emotions. Fear, uncertainty, and loss. But it also comes with growth and that leads to a whole new world of emotions. It comes with new relationships, and it takes you to higher spiritual levels. You will gain so much more than what you think that you lost. Or, for me that was the case anyways.

Moving on is something that I am still working on. There are still unresolved issues within myself about the leftover baggage, but I am hoping that writing this will help me to unload that baggage, as it has in the past. I have put it in God’s hands and sharing my story is something that is effective in my healing and because God has laid it on my heart to do so, I am here doing that. He will take it from here.

In conclusion, you have to take care of you, and it is your duty to make sure that your family is being fed. Try not to let fear or guilt keep you in a place that is not meant for you anymore. You are an amazingly beautiful flower in His garden and maybe it’s time for you to be repotted into some new soil so that you can experience new growth. Embrace the changes because they are heaven sent and God has plans for you. Plans that you do not yet see and ones that you may never even understand. Pray about your journey and your walk with Him. Pray for guidance and He will put it on your heart. You just make sure that you are ready to hear what He has to say because sometimes He says things that we do not necessarily want to hear. Sometimes He pulls us in directions that make us uncomfortable but inevitably those things are for the greater good. Learn to speak his language and learn to listen to Him. Learn to move when He says move and things will work out. Give the baggage to Him and I have no doubt that He will take care of it for you.

Thanks for “listening”.

-Amberlee Sunshine